reminiscing / still-questioning? –Valentine Cards–2010..{the 3rd yr}


–*Valentine cards? 2010*
I FOUND the VALENTINE that you got For ME
(not sure, was it 2007 or 08?);
¤ You have Even
SIGNED it to Me, BUT…
you chose to Never GIVE it!

¤ Mine says:

“It takes only a Moment / to say ‘I love you’… //
…but it’ll take 9 Lives / to show you How Much!”
/
“I LOVE YOU! Soooo much / Xxx”
~¤~

I suspect that I Won’t
be getting a
“Be my Valentine”

card this year.
& that’s OK; it is a rather stupid tradition, anyway.
But it’s More than
a little bit Eerie
to have found this
OLD abandoned one!
…even after a week,
[yea, or 2 years + week…]
I can’t Help but Wonder: did you Mean those words, when You bought it? Or was it only the 1st “obligate” card that you picked up? If so;
or more puzzlingif not:
Why
did you Sign it like that– Yet, decide
Not to give it??
{Did it even
matter @ all, to You?}
I sat here cleaning up old files & stuff, & I then saw Your Pictures:
showing off an award with R;
sitting in a meeting (appearing ~interested); grinning @ a Surprise gift; posing with your KT @her graduation; or
grimacing thru’ a wet doggy kiss…
& I FEEL Proud of You! &
I Think..wow, You Look ‘great’! 😉
… But then, I Remember — that you truly ?Hate Me! that I have
to ?Hate You now!
that ‘things’ Were
Not ever- as they seemed to be?

{I never wanted for either of us to be
in “this situation”!…
I didn’t ask for this.
I LOVEd you;
I LOVE our Family;
• I LOVEd thinking abt “sitting in those
rocking chairs
on the porch, as We grew old & wise“!
• I still *Listen for You* to come IN the door…
• I wanted to be Happy, Too;
• I Always
wanted You to be happy.}

However, perhaps more disturbing (distressing?): I FOUND the
Christmas cards that
you bought For Us (all) on 12/21/2005,
BUT you chose to
Never GIVE them to us.?

¤MINE was / would be- very touching; it says:
[ “Merry Christmas to the One I love /
— TIME, /
That’s the Gift /
I want Most for us–
/ when we can just /
Be Together /
taking each Minute /
as it comes, /
enjoying each Word, / each Look, each Touch.
/ / TIME
, /
at Christmas /
and into the New year, /
Let’s make Sure /
we set aside Some. /
Just for US. /
To Talk, Relax, /
and Wrap ourselves /
in each other’s Arms
…” ]

So ¤ WHY didn’t We DO that? Why didn’t y0u Mean it?
(Or, that’s ~why you
Kept it, instead?)
{our daughter’s was cute & sweet; our son’s funny}

NOW, this ever-lasting Snow Storm–continues… & I stood here at early morn, watching its steady fall.
& each day has recalled “our Great 2003 snow storm”, here in this House!…
««Did you also remember it,
I wondered?»»
When We prepared our candles, fires & cocoa;
& Watched; & dug deep lanes thru’ yard & deck; & took Pictures as it -grew higher- every day, covering the bird-motel; & movies of little Kramer, scrambling to ‘get OUT’ of the cold stuff; &
we L a u g h e d ..!
Now I stare-out from amongst scattered dreams, snowflakes,
& broken promises, CDs, trinkets, & leaking gutters,
–while Your words »echo« around my mind…
(»what we need, »what we’ll do, how to stay safe & warm & Together«)
–& now it’s Only ME who gathers, who watches, who re-digs the paths– no 0ne else is
here or cares
to Enjoy the Beauty or
to Worry or even
to build a Fire with me or to eat Chili or
to Cuddle or lean-upon;

and it IS NOT “fun” or laughable This time!
Not ANYMORE;
not ever, I suspect
{for Y0u will remain,
.. w h i s p e r i n g of ~all this~
in My Mind,
yet seem only ~louder, for your Absence}…
I’m not whining; it is Just the Truth

When you told me,
“I have Loved you for as Long as I can remember
I just don’t want to destroy the Memories we have.”

I see now that you really did NOT mean that @ all, so…
[I just wanted to say this Again, ….for whatever little you care] :
I found You (or you found Me?)
& I KNEW I’d never need anyOne else!
¤ I thought YOU were a free-spirit, a thinker, a dreamer, who Still managed to carve a niche Out
of a conformist-world
;
who IS My Soul’s-mate;
yet I LOST you – or
(I was just delusional) ??
& I won’t find or
look for “a Y0U” again!
¤ I Found my
professional “calling” &
I Knew I’d never hate it!
~ yet LOST that, too ~
¤ I still want, …dream to
Do & See many things:
& I thought I’d actually
Get ~the~chance for most,
(+ most-of-all
¤ to SHARE them!) ;
…yet I will not!
¤ I’m a hopeless, Sentimental Romantic;
( I remain a ¤ gullible Fool ) who feels
quite INVISIBLE, indeed…

No, “the Day for LOVE” is over, now–
However,
MY ‘CARD’
for YOU was a painted 1, finished a few weeks ago!..
It simply has 2 Quotes,
in ‘that pretty writing’:
¤¤ “Ilya amápier i órë i-varello, ar entë ner ve óvëa ve atta vanimë nalatala ócarmier !“…
¤”Each had stolen the Heart from the Other, and They were as Matched as two splendid pictures!“¤¤ {Chrétien de Troyes, ~1180}
+
¤¤ “Cuilessë, tulintë Ómentier yan séyar ve Ambartanen”… ¤
In Life, there come Meetings which seem like Fate.” ¤¤
{Owen Meredith}

As you said, ” You and I see things differently.”

Happy Valentine’s Day, —-anyway Baby!
(I hope you @ least respected Me enough
to Read this?)

post~~never forget that Life–IS a Miracle~~

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